Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Are We There Yet?

Who would have thought at this time last year that we'd still be a-waitin'? Certainly not me. Yes, it's been one year since China logged in our documents. Even though, as I write this, it's still the 18th here, it's the morning of the 19th in Beijing.

I don't know what to say. I guess I've learned patience...or learned that I can't stand learning to be patient.

Actually, I THINK I'm a little more laid back in general than I was a year ago. Maybe just more worn down. Kidding... I've taken the adoption attitude of "it's out of my hands" with a lot of things. When there's really nothing you can do about a situation, it's best to recognize it right away. If you don't, you get such a headache from smacking your head against the same wall over and over again.
Also, I'm really having to trust God on this. I keep thinking that God has known all along who our daughter is, and knows whether she's been born. I think God has known from the beginning when we will get our referral. I don't believe He "made" it take this long so that I'd learn valuable life lessons. I just think He knew how long it would take, and was just waiting around for me to turn to Him after getting that headache I mentioned above.

Of course, I'm also having those "what was I thinking" moments. Not because I'm regretting going the adoption route. I'm freaking out over being the mother of two. TWO?! They'll out-number me! Gang up on me! EEK. Those thoughts don't stay with me for long, but they do pop up every now and then. Sure the total number of children won't outnumber the total number of parents, but day in and day out... oh, I just don't want to think about it.

So, here we are. One year later. Last year, I was afraid that we'd be traveling to China on Phoebe's birthday last May. Now, I'm starting to wonder if we'll be traveling on her birthday NEXT May....

It continues....