What can I say? There just isn't a whole lot going on right now.
I'm still feeling a bit unprepared. I'm actually kind of trying to psych myself up for this whole "here's your baby" thing. I guess after 2 years of being in this process, I have just tried to keep the excitement down. AND my excitement has been quashed by the length of time and life in general happening.
I need to start repeating daily "We'll get her picture in less than a month" or "She'll be home by summer". Is it anxiety about having 2? Is the anxiety winning over and keeping the excitement down? After so many months of trying not to think about it, here I am less than a month away and I can't manage to finish the nursery or go to Babies R Us to register. NO, I'm actually not registered anywhere for anything.
Would it help if we had a name picked out? Would that help me think of her in more concrete terms? Does God have a surprise boy picked out for us, and that's why I'm not in love with any names?
This weekend, I walked around holding my 6 month old (where has the time gone?) god-daughter. She is just a beautiful, sweet child that I love to hold and kiss the top of her head. As I walked around, I thought (aside from all the sweet, loving thoughts) "My back hurts. Heaven help me, how I'm I going to do this all the time?"
Is this the down before the extreme high? I think maybe I ought to ramp up so that the high is easier to maintain. The referral pics from the last batch didn't really help me get excited. I love seeing those beautiful pictures. They bring tears to my eyes to think of all the happy families.
It wasn't even that we weren't in that batch. I didn't expect to be, and that was really all right with me.
I know that when it is our turn in a few weeks, I will be extremely happy and excited. But it's not happening just yet.
Somebody send me some baby love excitement.